Truth

I cancelled the 90-Day Money Revolution (a group coaching program that was scheduled to begin October 1st). I started the whole thing in the first place because I thought I needed it. I had a rather big epiphany about the role that money played in my life and the really screwed up money stories I had inherited from my childhood and was still telling, and thought that a 90-Day Revolution would be the ticket to getting me on a better financial path.

I was wrong. Just seeing what was going on was all I really needed. And now that I have, everything has shifted. And when I say shifted, I mean it in every possible way there is to shift.

First off, I feel differently about money. I used to think that it and the stuff I could buy with it mattered a whole hell of a lot more than it really does. I believed that if I made or had more money, the things that I could buy or do with it would make me happier. And, as an added dysfunctional bonus, I didn’t know I felt that way. In fact, I’m quite certain I would’ve been disgusted with my feelings if I’d only known I had them.

The denial and the disgust are meaningful. It means that I was at war with myself this whole time. And by this whole time I mean my whole life. I have been simultaneously wanting stuff for all the wrong reasons and denying both the wanting and the wrong reasons. Now, in the wake of my money epiphany, I am free from wanting things I don’t really want and I am free to want things I really do, without any of that old attachment or shame. It’s a beautiful thing.

I have been both clothes shopping and car shopping in the last several days and found myself almost completely disinterested in both. I’ve never been much of a clothes horse anyway, but to find myself damn near apathetic about my next car selection is unprecedented. I love cars, or at least I used to. This time around, I find my interest limited to practicality and price.

Secondly, the release of my internal block is starting to bear fruit in external ways. Once again, the Universe is rising up to meet me where I am and giving me lots of positive signs that I’m on the right track…

1. Last Friday, around lunch time, a woman came to the door and asked if we were interested in selling our house. If you know us or have been reading this blog for any length of time, then you already have a pretty good idea of what our answer was. Yes… yes we are interested in selling our house. We’ve been interested in selling our house for about ten years now, a year or so after we bought it. We’ve been working on it ever since then and getting closer and closer to actually putting it on the market. We almost pulled the trigger last summer and then again just a couple of months ago. Within the last few weeks, we decided that come spring the sign is definitely going in the yard.

The woman and her husband are planning to sell their current home in the same time frame and are beginning the search for their next house. We exchanged contact info and planned to touch base again after the holidays. Do I think they’ll buy our house? Maybe. More importantly than that was the message that I felt the Universe was sending me… Don’t worry. When the time comes, it’ll sell itself.

2. An hour or so later, while shopping for work shoes for Max, I stopped into a restaurant to grab a sandwich and an iced tea, to go. While there I took the opportunity to use the facilities. After I locked the door to the stall, I turned around and found three crisp twenty-dollar bills lying on the floor alongside a mangled, neon-orange feather. The bills were neatly folded together, as if they’d simply slipped out of someone’s pocket. I left the feather, picked up the money and then turned it into the manager.

For me (and anyone else who’s ever taken Amy Oscar’s Soul Caller training) feathers are a sign from the Universe. They started showing up in odd ways and places back in 2011 when I first took her class. To this day, I still find them when I need them most. As soon as I saw that orange feather on the floor next to those twenties, I knew it was a sign that I was no longer blocking the flow of money into my life.

3. Max got into a car accident on Saturday night. He was fine. The car was not. We had it towed the next day and waited to hear back as to whether the insurance company would deem it a total loss. We were already in the market for two cars – a new one for Mr. Maurer now that Max is driving his old one, and a second to replace the rather large gas guzzler that no longer suits our needs.

Now, after doing some quick calculations and guestimates as to the cost of repairs and the value of the car, we were pretty sure that we’d need to buy a third vehicle and that the money we’d have to do that was going to woefully inadequate. In other words, the car was worth more to us alive than dead. We ended being both right and wrong. The car is a total loss, but the insurance company is paying us enough to cover the cost of a new car for Max and the down payment on Tuck’s new car.

The final shift (and by final I mean the last one I’ve noticed up to this point) falls under the heading of Everything Else. Abundance isn’t just about money. It’s about time and talent and knowledge and any other resource that we need to do or have or become whatever it is that we want to do or have or become. If we truly believe we don’t have enough of what’s necessary, we’ll continue going nowhere fast.

I knew this. I knew it so well that I included multiple exercises in my coaching programs to address this with my clients. What I didn’t know is that there seems to be a head domino where abundance is concerned. So, if you’re constantly telling yourself you don’t have enough of one thing and you’re powerless to do anything about it, you subsequently end up blocking everything else. The minute my money domino fell down, I began to see all my other bullshit lack stories. I wasn’t aware of it, but in my mind I didn’t have enough of much of anything.

Time was the next biggie. I had been avoiding commitments like the plague out of fear of losing the precious freedom that I had worked so hard to attain. I railed hard against anything that threatened it by either refusing to do what was being asked of me or kicking and screaming (literally and metaphorically) the entire time I did it. There was just one little problem with all that… freedom didn’t really feel like freedom, anymore. It felt like boredom and detachment and emptiness, with a thick coating of resistance and rebellion thrown in for good measure.

Talent, experience and knowledge were next. When the money domino fell, it all fell and now I am no longer operating under the false assumption that I don’t have enough of… well, anything. I can’t explain it, really. And that’s why I don’t feel like a 90-Day Revolution is necessary or even appropriate. I feel like I got lucky or that it was just my time to see what I needed to see.

The only advice I’ve got to offer is this: identify your own head domino. Ask yourself this question… If I could change one thing about myself or my circumstances, what would it be? If I had answered that question a month ago, I would’ve said that I wanted to go back in time and NOT make the decision to buy this house. And if I had dug around in that answer long enough, which is basically what I did, I would’ve found my shitty money story hiding underneath it. Once I unearthed that, it was simply a matter of unpacking it and looking at it in its entirety.

I went all the way back to the beginning and worked my way forward to present day. I saw how the adults in my life and their attitudes toward money had affected me. I saw my own mistakes and missteps with money over the years and how my fear of repeating them had kept me stuck. I saw the friction between what I wanted, what I thought I should want and what I thought I deserved. I saw it all. Not because I’ve got some special gift for seeing the truth but because I was ready, willing and able to see it.

And when you’re ready, willing and able to see your truth, the revolution will come to you too.

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