I'm sorry

To all the people that I have turned away from, left, abandoned…

To those that I have kept at an arm’s length distance…

To all the precious friends that I have drawn close and then pushed away…

I am so sorry.

It truly wasn’t you.

It was me.

Relationships scare the hell out of me.

And once I opened my heart to my husband and my kids,

It became (unknowingly) necessary for me to close it off to everyone else.

There was only so much vulnerability I could handle.

And the three of them made me feel vulnerable in a way I never saw coming.

It was too much for me at times…

To the extent that I tried to shut them out too.

They wouldn’t let me.

Or maybe part of me wouldn’t let me.

Whoever it was, I am grateful.

Loving them and allowing them to love me has been the riskiest thing I’ve ever done.

And the most rewarding.

It has demanded that I do something I never wanted to do again…

Trust.

I trust them.

I trust me.

I trust you.

Grace is a funny thing.

It knows you better than you know yourself.

It knows what you want, what you need and what you came here to do.

You want love.

You need love.

You came here to love.

That’s it.

Everything else is window dressing.

My windows are bare.

The curtains are down and the sashes are open.

I am ready to feel it all…

The sunlight, the rain, the wind and the cold…

The connections, the conversations, the laughter and the fun…

The disagreements, the disappointments, the tragedies and the tears.

I am open.

I am vulnerable.

I am afraid.

I am alive.

Thank You

October 10, 2014

Hey… I just thought you should know that you’re making a difference. You really are. All that work you’re doing, all that effort you’re putting into it, all that time and energy and intention? It’s working. I know you don’t always see it. I know you’d really like to have a little more acknowledgment and […]

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It’s All Okay

October 9, 2014

  It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to change your mind, to back out of things that feel wrong for you in any way, to turn tail and run for the hills. It’s okay to protect yourself. It’s okay to trust yourself. It’s okay to do things that everyone else thinks is crazy or […]

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On Forgiveness

October 8, 2014

The thing about forgiveness… the part that makes it so damn difficult and messy and hard to swallow… is that there’s always something in it that has nothing to do with the person we’re trying to forgive and everything to do with us. It’s a deep-seeded something… a fear that we are still powerless, a […]

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Andrea’s Angel

October 7, 2014

First a disclaimer: I do not think myself an artist. I’m crafty. I can paint furniture and cabinets and the occasional picture copied from something else. But, I have zero imagination. I can’t just sit down at the easel and whip up an original masterpiece. I gave that up after ruining more canvases than I […]

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Chasing Rabbits

October 2, 2014

It’s funny the things that we will do to keep ourselves from being happy. It really is. Sometimes it takes a brick upside the head to wake us up to it. Sometimes it takes several bricks. Sometimes it takes several bricks, a few buckets of cold water and a couple hundred wake up calls from […]

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The Real Revolution

September 26, 2014

I cancelled the 90-Day Money Revolution (a group coaching program that was scheduled to begin October 1st). I started the whole thing in the first place because I thought I needed it. I had a rather big epiphany about the role that money played in my life and the really screwed up money stories I had inherited […]

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